30 Things. NYC. 2012. The Finish Line:

[06.30.12...THE MORNING AFTER. ETC.]

…A good night’s sleep. O sleep! (O wait…)
…The thing Guru Glen said. About signs. About how you go with your heart most of the time, “Fuck logic!” But you have to use your head sometimes, says the Guru Man. A little bit, anyway. Not everything’s a sign. (But. Um. Mister Guru? How come I don’t really believe you right now, even though the rule-following, i-dotting, t-crossing version of me really, really wants to? Actually. Maybe it’s because the rule-follower of my soul really wants to believe you and, though he’s, you know, a sweet guy and all, he’s usually a little clueless when it comes to saying Yes to the Universe. [Plus I guess it might also be because the aforementioned Guru Man saying something about signs at all is, in fact, given the context, quite clearly a sign in and of itself.])…
…Turns out Steve Earle’s right [which I already knew (a) because it's Steve Earle and (b) because I been to NYC before, but...]: the girls are really pretty. And if ‘talk’ is a euphemism for something, uh, more sensual, well, then, yeah: I got the sense most of them wouldn’t ‘talk’ to me (the middle-aged Misfit Pilgrim [so-called]) either. But a fair number of them were generally cordial. A few of them even talked to me. One in particular. To my delight and their/her great credit…
…Revelation: I don’t just want to be in the audience anymore…
…“I wanna do my thing.” — J. Brown…
…Revelation: L. Hannigan as Rockstar(ish) Avatar + Unwitting Guru: grace, poise… class… style/stylized… singular talent + authenticity + ambition (“…I was salted by your hunger…”)… keep an eye out for other people’s talent(s), fearlessly seek it/them, surround yourself with it/them… be smart… be fierce… be loyal… embrace new instruments, disciplines, even if it’s “late”… there is a path from background to foreground… Know (and honor) what you won’t say, sing, share. Etc…
…“…be the person you want to find…” (…Find the person you want to “be”? Hint: MoMA, Fourth floor, Gallery 19…)
…Which is to say: now I guess MoMA’s magic. A magic creative incubator or something. Or. No. Magic like a chrysalis…
…Revelation/reaffirmation: I want to draw…
…Revelation (I’ve been avoiding): I want to find my voice, literally: play music, learn and sing songs. The thing about audiences notwithstanding (always dangerous to take me literally, word-for-word), I don’t have to let anybody else hear me. I have to hear me…
…Revelation (I’ve been avoiding and really don’t want to acknowledge in public, but…): I want to write songs. Writing a novel? Not impossible. Writing a screenplay? Not impossible. Poem, essay, manifesto? Sure, sure, sure. But a song, even just one…even just a shitty one? That seems impossible to me. I mean. Jesus. I can’t even sing and play at the same time yet. So really the revelation is this: veer toward what seems impossible…
…The Queensboro Bridge, impossibly brazen hunk of metal that it is…
…Revelation (I’m clinging to): It doesn’t have to be good. It never has to be good. I’m still and always a poet. A poet who teaches. A poet who writes novels. A poet who takes moving pictures. A poet who talks to strangers. A poet who sings. Etc…

[REST EASY. REST ASSURED. WE'RE DONE.]

Preliminaries & Coordinates.

• What we talk about when we talk about 30 Things.
• What we talk about when we talk about The MoMA Moment.
• 30 Things. NYC. 2012. The Running List: Part I.
• 30 Things. NYC. 2012. The Running List: Part II.
• 30 Things. NYC. 2012. The Running List: Part III.